I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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