I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
