Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
