I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize