..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
