his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
