I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
