what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
