life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
