I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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