guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
love makes seman taste better
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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