So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
