I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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