What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Randomize