I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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