His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
