a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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