Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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