Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
