Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
