dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
