you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
