He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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