I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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