Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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