true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
