I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize