I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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