She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
