ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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