I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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