Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
