I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
