i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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