Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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