why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
