Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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