I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
not ubering you a puppy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
