how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
