I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
