I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
