im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
