Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
