I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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