Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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