I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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