Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
even my farts smell like vagina
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize