She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
