I have demons in me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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