I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
