Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
