two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
