if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
