Your face is a jimmy john
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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