Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
