Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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