Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
