Welp...herpes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
