one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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