Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
