Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think a kid would responsible me up
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
