I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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