Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
