drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
