Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
