I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize