hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize