like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
