He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
