No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
