My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
