Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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