guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
